Ask a guy - Get honest relationship advice from a man's point of view

[Thomas]

Hey girls,

If there is anything you would like to know or just want to get an honest opinion from a guy about what you should do etc.. just post it here. I'll try to answer your questions.

[Makeup-Forum.com]

I'm just posting here to say that Makeup-Forum supports this thread and it's legit. We know him personally and think that it will be a great addition to our Dating and Relationships forum

[LipGlossy]

I actually have a situation..

My boyfriend and I have been together since we were both 16 year old. Our relationship was on and off because we always argue but we lasted for 6 years. During the early part of 2008, we broke up because of certain issues that we could not agree on. He tried to win me back but I didn't give in because I knew at that time, he was flirting with a girl (but he didn't know that I knew). At the end of the year I decided to move to another city to work. I missed him terribly and we started emailing and chatting again until we got back together. In the middle of the year last year, there were again a lot of issues that we could not agree on until there was no more communication between us but we didn't formally end the relationship. We didn't even talk about it. We were battling with our prides actually. It was July last year when I knew from his best friend, who is also a very close friend of mine, that he has a new girlfriend. I was devastated because we never broke up. I tried to talk to him at that time and even asked him one last time who he loved more. But he chose the other girl. After our conversation, we both decided that we would only be friends. I went back to my hometown last December to spend Christmas and we met again. Feelings were somehow rekindled and we got back together. He broke up with the other girl and chose me.

I was happy but still I have doubts. Though he tells me that he regrets dumping me just because I have hurt his ego. He said he never loved the girl. Now, I'm back to where I am working and we're apart again. I don't know if I will hold on to what he tells me because right now, I just don't trust him.

My question is, should I trust him again? Should I trust him that he will not go back to that girl now that I'm no longer there?

[Thomas]

Hi,
what you describe sounds complicated to me.

We were battling with our prides actually

I think that could be the main problem. Do you talk a lot about what you really feel to each other or not really? Have you made plans for the future - what happens in a year or two? Is your boyfriend/are you part of his/your future plans?
I personally don't like to play games when it comes to relationships. Him trying to win you back is definitely a good sign. One thing that you have to keep in mind is that for a guy being apart from his girlfriend (=not having sex) is a lot harder for men than for women for biological reasons. A distance relationship is definitely difficult for both sides but you have to make sure that you agree on a time when the distance relationship is going back to a normal relationship.

[LipGlossy]

Hi,
what you describe sounds complicated to me.

I think that could be the main problem. Do you talk a lot about what you really feel to each other or not really? Have you made plans for the future - what happens in a year or two? Is your boyfriend/are you part of his/your future plans?
I personally don't like to play games when it comes to relationships. Him trying to win you back is definitely a good sign. One thing that you have to keep in mind is that for a guy being apart from his girlfriend (=not having sex) is a lot harder for men than for women for biological reasons. A distance relationship is definitely difficult for both sides but you have to make sure that you agree on a time when the distance relationship is going back to a normal relationship.

He talks about it a lot but I'm not a very open and showy person. I'm kind of indifferent actually but I tell him how much I love him. Before, there were no clear plans. He's a happy-go-lucky guy and his attitude is often the root cause of our arguments. However, due to our being apart, he has kind of changed a bit. He wants to come to my place but things have not been finalized yet. There are a lot of things that should be considered. He's really serious in coming though. But I'm skeptic.. he has betrayed me one or two times, I don't know if I should trust him still.

[Thomas]

Make clear plans and then give each other another chance?

[LipGlossy]

Could be. Well, let's see. If he would really get here, maybe I'll give it another shot.

[Thomas]

Waiting for more questions

[~*~LIZZIE~*~]

Hey Thomas,
i was dating a guy for 7months last year (he's 20 and im 17), and we broke up september because he was 'sick of commitment' but after a month he came back and said he regretted breaking up with me cause he missed me, so we started sleeping together again but not dating cause... im not sure y (he's never brought it up, he sometimes mentions that we should go to places together like we used to... but other than that nothing)... and i recently moved away to uni and he wont visit me cause he says he's too busy, and he rarely replys to my texts... so im not sure wat the deal is, but when i visit him and we do see each other he always tells me how beautiful i am and how much he misses me when im not around...

My question is, what the hell is his problem do u think? and do u think i could have a chance if i asked him out?

[Authentic Lala x3]

It pretty much sounds to me like he's messing w/ your emotions. If he's too busy to go see someone that he misses so much, then he's just playing around. Also, if you are sleeping together but aren't together as in dating, you're just throwing yourself at him and basically saying "I'm your booty call and when you need some p****, I'll be here for you". Then again, females do get emotionally attached quicker than males do. But still, point is - don't let him take your pride from you. You deserve someone who will love you unconditionally and not just when you're around.

[~*~LIZZIE~*~]

Thanks i do love him, but alas i guess its time to move on, turns out he's been sleepin around while i was at uni so i cant mean that much to him anyhow! *sigh*

[HaleighBaybee]

here's MY situation.
So there's this guy, he's actually my ex now.
He was my FIRST (no, not kiss. yu know what I mean.)
anyways, I REALLY had feelings for him. until him I had no idea what I was talkin about when I said I "loved" my boyfriends. and I THOUGHT he loved me? he's 2 years younger but I didn't know this until I lieked him too much, so it was too late. I know how they say guys mature a lot slower than girls, so maybe that has something to do with everything...
anyways, I've only cheated once in my life and I DO regret it, but it was WITH him. and eventually after I broke up w/my bf to get with him. we hadn't even dated for 2 months when he broke up with me and it was a little after my bday, too. he said it wasn't me and it wasn't him, he just needed "a break." I couldn't understand this so I cried and cried cause I was frustrated. finally he told me it was cause he just didn't feel the same way anymore. it hurt, but I felt a little better cause I could understand this. I really did/do love him thou, so naturally I actually tried/am trying to get him back. he just seemed so real, so natural, and when we were together nothing else mattered anymore and it was liek life just fast forwarded a few years and we were both older, but we looked the same and we were in the same place and everything. idk how to explain it. well basically, this whole year from 09-10 was a lot of on and offs. we only actually went out once, the rest of the time we would see eachother for a while, then we wouldn't talk/would talk less and stuff... idk. anyways, not too long ago some things happened and it really pissed him off. I know for a fact he was mad at me. he went off on ym bestfriend and wouldn't talk to me at all. but one day we hung out (it wasn't on purpose, it was a coincidence) and everything seemed perfect... it's liek no matter how mad we are at eachother or anything when we're together everything is fine. so when me and my bestfriend who was with me at the time got back home we were talking and apparently HIS bestfriend, who was also with him, told my bestriend that he (my ex) still loved me. idk whether to believe this or not. buut I find it weird that he still hates it when I talk about other guys around him. when we hung out I was trying to tell him a story and it had another guy in it, and as soon as he heard me say "this guy" he starts going "blahblahblah I don't care! whateverr don't care, don't care..." yu get the idea. and I hadn't even asked him why, but he just said, "it's complicated!" which is what he says/has said alot. it's always either "it's complicated," or "idk." he makes me think sometimes that he's lost all feeling for me completely and is "in love" with other girls buut at the same time still really cares for me. I'm saying this cause apparently I was the first girl he ever really loved (aka, his first love) and he'll always remember what it's liek to hold me, and countless other mushy things liek that. and he lives really close so whenever I'm just hangin around and he sees me, he'll text me. it's only when he sees me thou. sometimes I think he spies on me. liek this one time I was hangin out with my bestfriend, my friend alex and his friend kyle. alex was all over my bestfriend and I had told my ex I was dating a guy names kyle (but it wasn't that kyle). anyways, I live right next to my old junior high school so we were all walkin around hangin out down there and he texted me "whats up?" and I said hangin out. he wasn't down at the school before I texted him that, but he texted me back saying "oh thats cool i'm down at the school playing wall ball" shure enough, we get around to the otehr side of the school again and there he is. I'm going to skip throu a lot of this story. well later everyone came down to my house and he was there too. and he kept tryin to talk to me but I was ignoring him so he took my new shoes to get my attention. the he ended up asking me if the other guy besides alex was kyle, and I said yes, cause well, he was. but he thought I meant it was the kyle I was dating. even later than that, he texted me saying "yu can do better than that." I was gonna text him back and say who did yu have in mind but i usually make bad decisions when it comes time to him so I let my bestfriend decide and didn't text him back. I'm sorry this is so long, and this isn't even half of everything thats happened between us, just some and some of the more recent things. I guess I just want to know, judging on the info I gave yu, do yu think he still has feelings for me, in that way?

(ps- when we were dating he was the first one to mention getting married and kids. and one day while we were on the phone, he told me about how he was moving back to SC. I started crying, but I put the phone down. ofcourse he knew cause he has liek this psychic power and knows everytime I cry. well he was liek, "there isn't anything we can do about it is there baby?" and I said no. and he said that he believes we'll meet eachother again one day and asked me if I thought so. I said I really didn't know, and he said he did think so.)

[confused wife]

okay. My husband and i have been together for 5 years and we have one child of 4 years old. my husband was 24 and i was 17 when we moved in together and i was so in love with him but today i am haveing mixed feelings about our love i feel like it has died or is dieing. and am now 23 and he just turn 30. i feel it may be our age diffrence but maybe not. well i started to notice that he pushes me away when i want to show him affection. such as a kiss. or hug. as if it were a job or something but when he kisses me its usually a peck and on the cheeck and it every now and then. and if i dont try to kiss him he barley attemp to kiss or hug me.wen i want to have sex he doesnt want to and when he wants to have sex to iam all for it. so then i get confused about our love because he acts this way toward me. what is his problem? i even thought it was my weight. i was 180lbs when we met and went up to 282lbs so i decided to lose weight and maybe things will get better. i lost 42 lbs and i now weigh 240lbs i look and feel fabulous. i dont mean to be conceded but iam beautiful. and i try everyday to look my best even though iam a married woman. and i still am losing weight. and not once has he complimentted me on my achievements. or tell me how nice i look. but other people notice right away but he dosent. like he dosent care. he never says anything nice to me. he dosent ever want to go out with me alone to a movie on mall or date. I feel am not attractive to him. he never gives me gifts or flowers and i love flowers he know i love flowers what girl doesnt but he dosent have that love for me to think "iam going to pick up some flowers for my wife" or anything. then i get these attrations to other men. About 4 men that i have been tempted to mess around with. but out of respect of my relationship i have not once made a move but each time it happens it gets worse i feel like iam going to slip one day if my hubby dosent get it together. And stop makeing me feel unwanted and lonely. then my 4th temptation is a guy who i dont now in person but we live it the same town. i have no idea how he go my number either. but he says he dosent know me either. then i started to just chat with him nothing flirty or sexual either. then he wanted to meets me its been a week since we have been texting and i have decided to meet him tommorrow. I have made it clear to him that we r strictly friends and that i have a family too. he says ok i dont mind. but what is ur point of view on this? the crazy thing is that we have too much in common its scary. but each one of my crushes tend t fade away which iam glad because i dont want to cheat. do u think iam still in love with my hubby? give me some advice please.

[swizzelstickfairy]

HI need some male advise

Its kinda a strange set up really, but basically i started talking to this guy via bbm, lot's of flirting as been done, and he was calling be amazing, pretty, hunny, etc etc, things were great, he would say night and send me a good morning message every morning, in till i told him i was growing feelings for him and things got a little heated and i said i wanted to meet him, (yeah ive never met him) any way he then blanks me for a few day..... he eventually messaged me last week and things have been good since.... but lots seducing talk i guess you could say, he says he still thinks im pretty and and says he still thinks im great..... but he has a gf and he has a kid... i don't wanna break up a home but i guess i just wanna know if he generally likes me or if hes just after sex???

[rifka82]

Hi Thomas,

I'm in a situation where i just don't know what to do next!
Here's the (short) story: A guy and i have been dating for about four months, we're very attracted to each other but it seemed it will be no more than a FWB. Everything was fine, the sex was great but i started to have feelings for him, what's new.. We mostly meet twice a week or so. Last weekend i blew it when he texted me he was at a some party but wanted to see me. It was quite late. I wanted to see him but tried to not reply too enthousiastic and say yes right away. After a few texts back and forth i told him it would be nice to meet. He suddenly stopped replying. After an half an hour still no response. Tried to call him but didn't pick up. Since i was in my week before my period i was a bit cranky. So i sent another text but more irritated and after that i sent him an awful insulting message i didn't mean: that the sex wasn't that great! (this is the friendly version :-s) He then replied with 'F* you' I felt so disappointed by him to leave me hanging so i acted out of frustration. It's the first time we had a text-fight. I said i didn't mean it but ofcourse he was very pissed and told me i rather look for somebody else if it's that bad. I apologized right away and told him i didn't mean it and it was childish and stuff. He started ignoring me. Next morning i tried to call him, send him two more texts how i was sorry and i acted out of disappointment and i felt stupid. After two days he replied with he didn't believe me and he couldnt accept my behaviour. He wanted to stop this whole thing. I feel very bad about it, cause i started developing feelings. I don't want it to end i told him once i liked him more as a fwb.. That was already one month before this incident, so he knows.. Is there a chance we can at least talk things out and maybe meet again? What to do now?? I gave him some space but want to take some action now... :-(

[SamuraI]

Just remember . . .
Talking in a relationship always works and it is the best way to sort out the things. If you really want them to be sorted.

[devilmafia11]

Make clear plans and then give each other another chance?

i am Agree

[Kitagirl]

So I've been with my boyfriend for 9 Months now. He has an ex whom he's had a child with. Now they were together on and off for 5 years, the daughter is 3 years of age. From what I've come to know of her is she is kinda a psycho to say in nice terms. She's always telling the daughter that her daddy doesnt love her and this and that. My boyfriend only puts up with the ex because of the daughter. He's always calling her nasty names but never to her or the daughter. Well just yesterday I called to talk to him and he wasn't acting "normal". I thought it was somthing I had done and was unaware of it. I texted him asking if there was something wrong. He told me that when he went to pick up his daughter and her son( He raised the little boy but its not his son.) she (The ex) told my boyfriend to move back with her and the kids so they could all be a family again.The kids started chiming in and crying that they wanted him to move back too. He proceed to tell me that he was confused and was upset that she was messing with his mind. Now I'm confused cause I don't know what to think. Am I holding him back from being a family with his ex and the daughter? Should I stand by him or turn and run? I really like him a lot. This is the second longest relationship iv'e ever been in. To top it off today on his lunch we went to Walmart. He told me that the kids have to get the mom a gift so to avoid hassle we didn't take the kids and he just got the gift himself. He wasn't sure what to get her. We ended up buying her a car stereo, those things are expensive! The kids are only 3 and 5. Would they really get her a car stereo or is that what he's getting for her? I just don't know what to think about this whole situation!

[clueless1206]

Looking for a man's perspective...I've been dating this guy for about 2 months. We immediately hit it off, and it's been amazing ever since....that is until the past few days. When we went out Friday night, he told me that I was great, that was going to have a hard time getting rid of him and then went into detail about things he wanted us to do in the future. (fyi...this wasn't about trying to get me in bed...we've been having sex for a month). I was excited but stayed cool but let him know I though he was pretty great too and was excited about the possibilities. Saturday night we were at a cookout at his friend's house...I don't recall how it came up but he made the comment that he had some concerns about us. I asked him to eloborate and he just said that time would tell. I spent the night and when we woke up, things just seemed awkward. We took showers, went out to breakfast then went back to his house...I left shortly there after because I felt unwanted (and chalked it up to he had things to do). Note that since the first time we met, he has either called and/or texted me every day...no call Sunday, no call Monday, called Tuesday night but seemed distant, no call Wednesday, sent him a text today and got no reply. There is nothing I can think of that could have caused this sudden 360. Any thoughts as to why he is all of a sudden pulling back?

[makeup craves]

Make clear plans and then give each other another chance?